please come you make the beer taste better
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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