I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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