just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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