Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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