i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are my feet made of real feet?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize