she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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