ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And then he peed in my hair
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