Umm I'm too high to move.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize