I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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