My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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