Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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