Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we should paint friendship bongs
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