Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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