we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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