Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize