I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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