For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize