took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
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You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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