I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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