She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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