I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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