We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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