Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize