last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
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i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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