i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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