I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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