I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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