I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize