Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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