i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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