My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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