There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize