the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
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You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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