apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize