mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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