Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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