we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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