he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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