Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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(561): Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like. http://tfl.nu/svkw

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(415): View more from California

I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.

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(415): I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me. http://tfl.nu/6ugc

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth

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(704): I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth http://tfl.nu/9h3z

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(910): View more from North Carolina

it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

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(910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr

Replies (24) Good night (10434) Bad night (627)
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(972): View more from Texas

The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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(972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi

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(917): View more from New York City

Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.

(347): View more from New York

I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.

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(917): Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement. (347): I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy. http://tfl.nu/2bcu

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.

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(+44): Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/fnbb

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(+64): View more from New Zealand

You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.

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(+64): You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited. http://tfl.nu/941d

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(402): View more from Nebraska

he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off

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(402): he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off http://tfl.nu/4yxi

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(502): View more from Kentucky

After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.

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(502): After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea. http://tfl.nu/ggoy

Replies (7) Good night (1784) Bad night (1196)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?

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(937): Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower? http://tfl.nu/53j7

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(514): View more from Quebec

She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.

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(514): She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead. http://tfl.nu/g7qd

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(812): View more from Indiana

Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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(812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

But you'll make an exception

(908): View more from New Jersey

probably not

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(908): I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls (1-908): But you'll make an exception (908): probably not http://tfl.nu/9drh

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(516): View more from New York

I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare

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(516): I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare http://tfl.nu/2gb3

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