HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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