I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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