worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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