her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
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hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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