last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
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I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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