Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize