I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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