do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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