Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Are my feet made of real feet?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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