he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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