I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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